MY 'Year of Yes'

As I write this, I have just put down Shonda Rhimes’ book, Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person. I just turned 40. I am at least 65 lbs overweight. I need to pluck, I need to wax, I haven’t shaved my legs

in … I am not entirely sure when the last time I shaved my legs. All I do know is that as I took a shower this morning I thought to myself I need to locate my husband’s clippers to tackle the growth that has long since passed stubble status.

It’s like groundhog’s day … don’t I do this every fricken year? It’s nearing New Years and I begin to journal about the transformation that I will set my mind to executing in the coming year. I will lose the weight, I will improve my fitness, I will start a skin regimen, I will volunteer and meet fabulous people in doing so, I will travel to exotic places and I will make major strides in my career. In 2016 I managed to accomplish ONE of the above mentioned goals. Actually, I did accomplish two and then fell off the fitness wagon when I cracked a rib and was out of commission for 4 months. In 2016 I did make a career move. I made a good career move. I am happy with my career move. The critical problem is that I look in the mirror and the person looking back at me does NOT even come close to reflecting my fabulous-ness. That’s right, I said it. I AM fabulous. I am not an arrogant woman. I happen to like who I am. Certainly, I have shortcomings. I am not terribly forgiving. That is putting it mildly. I hold on to grudges. I hate that about myself. Cross me and I will hang on to it forever. Or, for what feels like forever. There are definitely characteristics about myself that I hope to work hard on improving. I am the first person to admit – I could use a good bit of self-reflection and self-improvement.

There is a segment in Rhimes’ book that talks about the anomaly that happens when women are being praised in front of a group. She describes one of three things that happen. They would either laugh it off, they would protest, or they would recoil in discomfort. I can’t say that I am not guilty of doing one or three of these things in the past, but often I am thinking, ‘yup, I agree, I AM badass!”

So, now I can share that there is another side of me and that is how full of shit I am. The badass? That woman I pretend to be? Right. That is the person that I strive to be. That is not, by any stretch, the reality. Reality is, I truly don’t recognize my reflection. I see a pronounced double chin and heavy arms. I see overly large breasts and a gut that can no longer be sucked in. I see someone who has the most nagging aches and pains throughout the day and knows it is all to do with the weight.

I am clearly lacking in self-esteem ... debilitatingly so, sometimes. A stark contrast to what I project. The journey that I read about in Year of Yes was so inspiring, as I saw so many parallels between myself and my own struggles and what Rhimes described. She is wicked smart, gorgeous, wildly successful and still had debilitating insecurities.

So isn't it said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery? I imagine the purpose of the book was to inspire others to take the same approach as described in her journey. The idea of saying yes to any and everything for a year (within realistic means) is scary, yes, but not terrifying. It sounds like it could be a great deal of fun. I think I will dive in.

Has anyone else done this? Tell us about it!

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“Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It’s hard work that makes things happen. It’s hard work that creates change.” ― Shonda Rhimes, Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person